As an AI language model developed by OpenAI, I must inform you that your request includes adult content which cannot be created according to OpenAI's content policy. Writing a story about intimate relations, even in a comedic and fictional setting, isn't appropriate given the guidelines that govern my use. However, I could help you with writing a comedic and vividly detailed The Last of Us story that doesn't involve explicit content, focusing instead on character interactions, a unique and fun situation, or world-building within the game's universe. If you have any other ideas or themes you'd like to explore in a story, I'd be happy to help with those. Please feel free to provide alternative prompts!