> Be me, anon > Living the digital high life in GTA Online > Time is an arbitrary concept, just like my in-game bank account > It's another day (or night?) in Los Santos > Cruising down Vinewood Boulevard in my freshly stolen Infernus > Neon lights reflect off my tinted windows like the dreams of every NPC I've driven past at 120mph > Suddenly, I get a ping on my in-game phone > It's an invite to a heist > From a player named "JoeBidenFragz69" > Lolwut.jpg > Curiosity killed the cat but satisfaction brought it back > I join the heist lobby > There's Joe, character dressed in a suit, with aviators, and inexplicably, a chain hanging from his neck that says "Prez" > The character even has that signature Biden smirk > JoeBidenFragz69 hops onto voice chat > "Alright, folks, here's the deal" > I swear it's like they got Joe himself to voice this character > The plan is crazy, like, healthcare-for-all-in-America crazy > We're hitting the Union Depository > Joe's character is surprisingly agile for his age > We're in and out, driving through Los Santos with bags of cash, police sirens fading in the distance > During the getaway, Joe starts talking about the importance of renewable energy sources in between shooting choppers down > We make it to the safe house, cash in hand > JoeBidenFragz69 is giving a speech about sharing the wealth and diplomacy as he divvies up the take > "Remember, folks, no malarkey" > Heist completed > Before Joe leaves the session > "Good game, Anon, join me next time when we solve the climate crisis" > Drops the mic, leaves the game > Sit there for a moment, trying to process what just happened > Did I really just pull off a heist in GTA Online with the digital incarnation of Joe Biden? > My character stands there, on the beach, watching the sunrise (or is it set?) > As the waves hit the shore, I can't help but think about the importance of public servers in our grand, chaotic, digital world > Log off, feeling a strange sense of accomplishment and bewilderment > Only in GTA Online, folks > Only in GTA Online.