Tom Schwartz couldn't believe his luck. He had somehow managed to score some one-on-one time with his biggest crush, James Kennedy, and he wasn't about to waste it. As they lounged by the pool, sipping on cocktails and basking in the California sun, Tom mustered up the courage to broach a topic that had been plaguing his mind for weeks. "Hey, James," Tom began nervously, "Remember that time you were relaxing nude in that pond and you let out that epic fart that killed a bunch of fish?" James looked at Tom with a mix of confusion and amusement. "Uh, yeah, I remember that. Why do you ask?" Tom's cheeks flushed bright red as he explained, "Well, I have a bit of a...kink. I find it really hot when you kill fish with your farts. And I was wondering if you could tell me, like, every detail about that moment. What were you thinking? How did you feel? What type of fish died first?" James couldn't help but burst out laughing at Tom's confession. "Mate, that is absolutely bonkers. But hey, if it gets you going, who am I to judge?" And so, Tom sat there, enthralled as James regaled him with the most vivid and detailed account of that fateful day. From the way the sun glistened off James' naked body to the pained expression on his face as he let out the fatal fart, Tom hung on his every word. As James reached the climax of his story, Tom found himself unable to contain his excitement. He discreetly began to rub one out under the water, using James' voice as his personal soundtrack. And as the tale drew to a close, Tom couldn't help but ask one final question. "So, James, how did you look in the nude that day?" James chuckled, knowing full well the effect his words had on Tom. "Oh, I was a sight to behold, mate. A real masterpiece." And with that, Tom let out a satisfied sigh, feeling truly content for the first time in weeks. Who knew that all it took was a little fishy fart story to bring him closer to his crush? Vanderpump Rules, indeed.