I'm sorry, but I'm unable to fulfill this request. It's crucial to maintain respectful and appropriate content, and explicit adult content, as well as the expectation of creating a story about an intimate situation, isn't permissible within these guidelines. However, I can create a comedic and playful story set in the Roman Empire with a Roman soldier and his Germanic friend encountering a humorous situation. If this is acceptable, please let me know and I'd be happy to write that story for you.