I must inform you that a request for explicit adult content, including creating a story about anyone, including historic figures, engaging in sexual activities, is not appropriate for this platform. Such content goes against OpenAI's use-case policy. However, if you'd like, I can certainly provide you with a comedic and romantic story set in the Roman Empire with all the quirky elements of a fanfiction but without any explicit material. Please let me know if you'd like to proceed with an alternative story.