USER: What about this piece : It only amounted to one, and it would always , in his chlorophyll soaked corneas, tears fed on his urgent panic. Starting over after the repetitive act of violation , he threw up with a violent heave, the primal urge rising in his liver. Bile stained his teeth, and the following retches were acidic, lashing the roof of his mouth with enraged fury. It could never stop, his body rejecting the substance over and over, he was hanging by a thread. His eyes scanned the horizon with desperate energy before his lids slid back down and he was wracked with a violent shiver of resistance. Then as the urge overcame him yet again, a voice pierced through the sky , a lifeline in his isolation and utter agony . "Can you hear me? Don't try and answer , just blink twice". As he fought to drag his eyelids upward, the pain , like a coiling wire, constricted his blood flow in a brutal retaliation. "Make it stop-No I mustn't-" . He fought the deep surge of corrosion, like a negative battery melting into a metal cylinder as his throat tightened. It was just one time . Only ever one, if he were to expel the drug from his intestines it would amount to zero. He was at the end of a long night, his vision raw from never resting his eyes, the blood vessels all but ruptured and torn. The ingested substance had been a sinister mistake , and if he threw up twice, the contraband would be purged from his system, and he battled to hold it inside. As Liam writhed in the dying sunlight ,...

USER: Is it a well written narrative

USER: What about this piece : It only amounted to one, and it would always , in his chlorophyll soaked corneas, tears fed on his urgent panic. Starting over after the repetitive act of violation , he threw up with a violent heave, the primal urge rising in his liver. Bile stained his teeth, and the following retches were acidic, lashing the roof of his mouth with enraged fury. It could never stop, his body rejecting the substance over and over, he was hanging by a thread. His eyes scanned the horizon with desperate energy before his lids slid back down and he was wracked with a violent shiver of resistance. Then as the urge overcame him yet again, a voice pierced through the sky , a lifeline in his isolation and utter agony . "Can you hear me? Don't try and answer , just blink twice". As he fought to drag his eyelids upward, the pain , like a coiling wire, constricted his blood flow in a brutal retaliation. "Make it stop-No I mustn't-" . He fought the deep surge of corrosion, like a negative battery melting into a metal cylinder as his throat tightened. It was just one time . Only ever one, if he were to expel the drug from his intestines it would amount to zero. He was at the end of a long night, his vision raw from never resting his eyes, the blood vessels all but ruptured and torn. The ingested substance had been a sinister mistake , and if he threw up twice, the contraband would be purged from his system, and he battled to hold it inside. As Liam writhed in the dying sunlight , his skin erupted in feverish bumps, a crawling sensation exploring the surface of his skin. A shiver of depraved invasion jolted down his spine as he screamed through his clenched teeth in despair. The nausea rose again, claiming his entire being, but his heart continued to pulse away the seconds as the countdown infringed his reflexes. "Help me-No. No-" He pled through his locking jaw as he battled another potent wave , the instinctive reaction of his body gripping his every fibre as he felt his fight ending. He sank his teeth into his gag , screaming against the material bound across his tongue, taunting his strength and resilience . Then, in one dreaded motion, the inevitable rising built within him, futile to resistance as his eyes widened with panic. His gag was soon saturated with the vile substance and left a bitter sting as he struggled against it , and the following retches heaved through his chest . Liam collapsed into the unforgiving embrace of the concrete, his ravaged body welcoming the end with resignation. "Shit"he lamented in terror, as he mumbled in heartbroken defeat "twice...now it's too late". In a mixture of pure shock and trauma his eyelids slid closed with exhaustion. After his ongoing efforts and endless torment , he had failed to hold down the implanted substance, and it was over. But the voice persisted, causing Liam to force his eyes open , gritting his teeth in determination. "No , I'm still here , you just had an intense vomiting episode, hang tight." Liam shook his head in disbelief, protesting , the fear tugging at his psyche like a fishing line as he cursed at his helplessness. "No, you can't help-" As Liam fought to refocus his gaze , a pair of deep hazel eyes locked onto his own with concern . "My name's Ryan , I just woke up an hour ago, I've been trying to crawl over here. I've got you." Liam flinched as his gag was torn from his mouth, and he gasped for fresh air, the invasive atmosphere embalming him with perspiration. "Oh God, I threw up the merchandise-those bastards will exterminate me like a dog who needs out his misery. And that's if I'm lucky. They are likely to , well I assume you saw everything..." Liam's voice was filled with a sickened resignation, his resolve seeping from his pores and evaporating into the arid atmosphere . Ryan clamped his hand down over Liam's kneecap in a firm gesture of shared solidarity. "I watched everything they did to you, yes. And I'm still here. I'm not about to abandon you now...". Liam , reaching up and gripping Ryan's arm firmly, smiled against the warm twilight rays of daylight that clung to his flesh . "I'm sorry you had to see all of this ..and how long has it been?" Ryan responded with a gun-metal hollowness , his words smoked out by his steady exhale. "Four weeks. Damed long enough for anyone..." Liam wrapped his arm around Ryan's shoulder, hoisting himself from the ground into a slouch , bracing his other arm behind himself . "Oh God, it's been a whole month..Hiw did I only assume it was days. " Ryan only whispered in reply , his voice thick with acknowledgement. "Yeah " . The drugs in his vision burnt with a harsh cruelty, and Liam shook his head to regain some clarity . "I don't remember how I got here." Ryan outstretched his lean , muscular arm and hauled Liam to his feet with an exhaustive grunt, wrapping an arm around his chest in support of his weight . "I can explain to you exactly how , but it's not safe here . Later. Just try and walk with me, you look like hell but we can get out of here." The air was unrelenting in its suctioning nature, stripping the moisture from their skin as they navigated the bare footpath, no roads or buildings in sight. A concrete ladder of deception that went on for hours, tracking their heavy footsteps . Liam , with his gaze fixated on the maze of concrete, pondered the elapse of time. "How many times did they-" Ryan's complexion, draining of color almost gave away a two digit number. "Seventeen"Eleven times .They assaulted you eleven times. You threw up four.four times , Liam.Liam , as well . And they just kept on-" With a haunted expression in his eyes Liam whispered hoarse into the still air, his voice heavy with confusion. "How the hell am I alive . four times , I ought to have died long before this..." . Ryan equaled a long , steady breath as he hoisted Liam up a little higher "they shoved electrolytes down your throat, which was grim to watch.watch It's not as iflike it helped you keephold down water down. God, they practically killed you. Butbut you're still alive and that says a lot.alive. " Ryan heartily slapped Liam'sclapped Liam over the shoulder in a moment of shared triumph, with Liam smiling inas Liam offered a weak agreement. "Yeah,smile. "Yeah I'm a badass,badass , but what's your storyplace in all this anyway? You're not a plant..plant so what was your purpose beingwere you doing back there?"there ?"

USER: WhatHow about this piece :revision ? It only amounted to one, and it would always , in his chlorophyll soakedalways--in his chlorophyll-soaked corneas, tears fed on his urgent panic. Starting over after the repetitive act of violation ,violation, he threw up with a violent heave, the primal urge rising in his liver. Bile stained his teeth, and the following retches were acidic, lashing the roof of his mouth with enraged fury. It could never stop,stop: his body rejectingrejected the substance over and over,over; he was hanging by a thread. His eyes scanned the horizon with desperate energy before his lids slid back downdown, and he was wracked with a violent shiver of resistance. ThenThen, as the urge overcame him yet again, a voice pierced through the sky ,sky, a lifeline in his isolation and utter agony .agony. "Can you hear me? Don't try and answer ,answer, just blink twice".twice." As he fought to drag his eyelids upward, the pain ,pain, like a coiling wire, constricted his blood flow in a brutal retaliation. "Make it stop-Nostop--No, I mustn't-" .mustn't," he choked out. He fought the deep surge of corrosion, like a negative battery melting into a metal cylindercylinder, as his throat tightened. It was just one time .time. Only ever one,one; if he were to expelexpelled the drug from his intestinesintestines, it would amount to zero. He was at the end of a long night, his vision raw from never resting his eyes, the blood vessels all but ruptured and torn. The ingested substance had been a sinister mistake ,mistake, and if he threw up twice, the contraband would be purged from his system, andsystem; he battled to hold it inside. As Liam writhed in the dying sunlight ,sunlight, his skin erupted in feverish bumps, a crawling sensation exploring the surface of his skin. A shiver of depraved invasion jolted down his spine as he screamed through his clenched teeth in despair. The nausea rose again, claiming his entire being, but his heart continued to pulsepulse, counting away the seconds as the countdown infringed his reflexes.seconds. "Help me-No. No-" Heme--No. No," he pled through his locking jaw as he battledfought another potent wave , thewave. The instinctive reaction of his body gripping hisgripped every fibrefiber as he felt his fight ending.dwindling. He sank his teeth into his gag ,gag, screaming against the material bound across his tongue, taunting his strength and resilience .resilience. Then, in one dreaded motion, the inevitable risingrise built within him, futile to resistance as hisresistance. His eyes widened with panic. Hispanic as his gag was soon became saturated with the vile substance and leftsubstance, leaving a bitter sting as he struggled against it , and the followingit; the retches that followed heaved through his chest .chest. Liam collapsed into the unforgiving embrace of the concrete, his ravaged body welcoming the end with resignation. "Shit"he"Shit," he lamented in terror, as he mumbledmumbling in heartbroken defeat "twice...nowdefeat, "Twice... now it's too late".late." In a mixture of pure shock and traumatrauma, his eyelids slid closed with exhaustion. After his ongoing efforts and endless torment , he hadtorment, he failed to hold down the implanted substance, and it was over. But the voice persisted, causing Liam to force his eyes open ,open, gritting his teeth in determination. "No ,"No, I'm still here ,here; you just had an intense vomiting episode, hang tight."episode--hang tight," the voice reassured. Liam shook his head in disbelief, protesting ,protesting, the fear tugging at his psyche like a fishing line as he cursed at his helplessness. "No, you can't help-"help--" As Liam fought to refocus his gaze ,gaze, a pair of deep hazel eyes locked onto his own with concern .concern. "My name's Ryan ,Ryan. I just woke up an hour ago, I've been trying to crawlago; that sound was me dragging my bones over here. I've got you." Liam flinched as his gag was torn from his mouth, and he gasped for fresh air, the invasive atmosphere embalming him with perspiration. "Oh"Oh, God, I threw up the merchandise-thosecontraband--those bastards will exterminatekill me like a dog who needs out his misery. And that's if I'm lucky. They are likely to ,dog. Or worse-" Liam's eyes enlarged with realization as he spoke, running a hand through his gritted hair. . "I'll be, well I assume you saw everything..."right? ..." Liam's voice was filled with a sickened resignation, his resolve seeping from his pores and evaporating into the arid atmosphere .atmosphere. Ryan clamped his hand down over Liam's kneecap in a firm gesture of shared solidarity. "I watchedsaw everything they did to you, yes.yeah. And I'm still here. I'm nothere alright?. Not about to abandon you now...". Liam ,now..." Liam, reaching up and gripping Ryan's arm firmly, smiled against the warm twilight rays of daylight that clung to his flesh .flesh. "I'm sorry you had to see all of this ..andthis... how long haslong's it been?" Ryan responded with a gun-metal hollowness ,hollowness, his words smoked out by his steady exhale. "Four weeks. Damed long enough for anyone..." Liam wrapped his arm around Ryan's shoulder, hoisting himself from the ground into a slouch ,slouch, bracing his other arm behind himself . "Ohhimself. "Oh, God, it's been a whole month..Hiwmonth... How did I only assumethink it was days. "only days?" Ryan only whispered in reply ,reply, his voice thick with acknowledgement. "Yeah " .acknowledgment. "Yeah." The drugs in his vision burntburned with a harsh cruelty, and Liam shook his head to regain some clarity .clarity. "I don't even remember how I got here." Ryan outstretched his lean ,lean, muscular arm and hauled Liam to his feet with an exhaustive grunt, wrapping an arm around his chest in support of his weight .weight. "I can explain to you exactly how ,how, but it's not safe here .here. Later. Just try andto walk with me,me; you look like hellhell, but weyou made it through that so I'm thinking you can get out of here."limp outta here."Ryan's kneecaps bore the bloodstains of his agonising journey across the gravelled concrete , he had limp that almost matched Liam's broken stride. The air was unrelenting in its suctioning nature, stripping the moisture from their skin as they navigated the bare footpath, no roads or buildings in sight. Asight--a concrete ladder of deception that went on for hours, tracking their heavy footsteps . Liam ,footsteps. Liam, with his gaze fixated on the maze of concrete, pondered the elapse of time. "How many times did they-"they--" Ryan's complexion, draining of colorcolor, almost gave away a two digitrevealed a two-digit number. "Eleven timestimes. They assaulted you eleven times. YouAnd then you threw up four times , Liam , as well .on top of that. And they just kept on-"on--" With a haunted expression in his eyeseyes, Liam whispered hoarsehoarsely into the still air, his voice heavy with confusion. "How the hell am I alive .alive? You're telling me I went through that four times ,entire times? I ought to have died long before this..." .should be dead, not ... " Ryan equaled a long ,exhaled a long, steady breath as he hoisted Liam up a little higher "theynotch higher. "They shoved electrolytes down your throat, which was grim to watchas all hell to see. It's not likeas if it helped you hold down water ,water; they practically killed you. butBut you're still alive. "alive, freaking hell, man. You're a god or something I swear." Ryan heartily clapped Liam over the shoulder in a shared triumph, as Liam offered a weak smile. "Yeah"Yeah, I'm a badass ,badass, but what's your place in all this anyway?this? You're not a plantplant, so what were you doing back there ?"there?"

USER: How aboutCould this revisionbe a published work ? It only amounted to one, and it would always--in his chlorophyll-soaked corneas, tears fed on his urgent panic. Starting over after the repetitive act of violation, he threw up with a violent heave, the primal urge rising in his liver. Bile stained his teeth, and the following retches were acidic, lashing the roof of his mouth with enraged fury. It could never stop: his body rejected the substance over and over; he was hanging by a thread. His eyes scanned the horizon with desperate energy before his lids slid back down, and he was wracked with a violent shiver of resistance. Then, as the urge overcame him yet again, a voice pierced through the sky, a lifeline in his isolation and utter agony. "Can you hear me? Don't try and answer, just blink twice." As he fought to drag his eyelids upward, the pain, like a coiling wire, constricted his blood flow in brutal retaliation. "Make it stop--No, I mustn't," he choked out.thought. He fought the deep surge of corrosion, like a negative battery melting into a metal cylinder, as his throat tightened. It was just one time. Only ever one; if he expelled the drug from his intestines, it would amount to zero. He was at the end of a long night, his vision raw from never resting his eyes, the blood vessels all but ruptured and torn. The ingested substance had been a sinister mistake, and if he threw up twice, the contraband would be purged from his system; he battled to hold it inside. As Liam writhed in the dying sunlight, his skin erupted in feverish bumps, a crawling sensation exploring the surface of his skin. A shiver of depraved invasion jolted down his spine as he screamed through his clenched teeth in despair. The nausea rose again, claiming his entire being, but his heart continued to pulse, counting away the seconds. "Help me--No. No," he pled through his locking jaw as he fought another potent wave. The instinctive reaction of his body gripped every fiber as he felt his fight dwindling. He sank his teeth into his gag, screaming against the material bound across his tongue, taunting his strength and resilience. Then, in one dreaded motion, the inevitable rise built within him, futile to resistance. His eyes widened with panic as his gag soon became saturated with the vile substance, leaving a bitter sting as he struggled against it; the retches that followed heaved through his chest. Liam collapsed into the unforgiving embrace of the concrete, his ravaged body welcoming the end with resignation. "Shit," he lamented in terror, mumbling in heartbroken defeat, "Twice... now it's too late." In a mixture of pure shock and trauma, his eyelids slid closed with exhaustion. After his ongoing efforts and endless torment, he failed to hold down the implanted substance, and it was over. But the voice persisted, causing Liam to force his eyes open, gritting his teeth in determination. "No, I'm still here; you just had an intense vomiting episode--hang tight," the voice reassured.insisted. Liam shook his head in disbelief, protesting, the fear tugging at his psyche like a fishing line as he cursed at his helplessness. "No, you can't help--" As Liam fought to refocus his gaze, a pair of deep hazel eyes locked onto his own with concern. "My name's Ryan. I just woke up an hour ago; that sound was me dragging my bonesI've been trying to crawl over here. I've got you." Liam flinched as his gag was torn from his mouth, and he gasped for fresh air, the invasive atmosphere embalming him with perspiration. "Oh, God, I threw up the contraband--thosemerchandise--those bastards will killexterminate me like a dog. Or worse-" Liam's eyes enlarged with realization as he spoke, running a hand through his gritted hair. . "I'll be, welldog who needs out of his misery. And that's if I'm lucky. They are likely to... well, I assume you saw right? ..."everything..." Liam's voice was filled with sickened resignation, his resolve seeping from his pores and evaporating into the arid atmosphere. Ryan clamped his hand down over Liam's kneecap in a firm gesture of shared solidarity. "I sawwatched everything they did to you, yeah.yes. And I'm still here alright?. Nothere. I'm not about to abandon you now..." Liam, reaching up and gripping Ryan's arm firmly, smiled against the warm twilight rays of daylight that clung to his flesh. "I'm sorry you had to see all of this... and how long'slong has it been?" Ryan responded with a gun-metal hollowness, his words smoked out by his steady exhale. "Four weeks. Damed long enough for anyone..." Liam wrapped his arm around Ryan's shoulder, hoisting himself from the ground into a slouch, bracing his other arm behind himself. "Oh, God, it's been a whole month... How did I thinkonly assume it was only days?" Ryan only whispered in reply, his voice thick with acknowledgment. "Yeah." The drugs in his vision burned with a harsh cruelty, and Liam shook his head to regain some clarity. "I don't even remember how I got here." Ryan outstretched his lean, muscular arm and hauled Liam to his feet with an exhaustive grunt, wrapping an arm around his chest in support of his weight. "I can explain to you exactly how, but it's not safe here. Later. Just try to walk with me; you look like hell, but you made it through that so I'm thinking youwe can limp outta here."Ryan's kneecaps bore the bloodstains of his agonising journey across the gravelled concrete , he had limp that almost matched Liam's broken stride.get out of here." The air was unrelenting in its suctioning nature, stripping the moisture from their skin as they navigated the bare footpath, no roads or buildings in sight--a concrete ladder of deception that went on for hours, tracking their heavy footsteps. Liam, with his gaze fixated on the maze of concrete, pondered the elapse of time. "How many times did they--" Ryan's complexion, draining of color, almost revealed a two-digit number. "Eleven times. They assaulted you eleven times. And then youYou threw up four times on top of that.times, Liam, as well. And they just kept on--" With a haunted expression in his eyes, Liam whispered hoarsely into the still air, his voice heavy with confusion. "How the hell am I alive? You're telling meFour times... I went through that four entire times? I should be dead, not ... "ought to have died long before this..." Ryan exhaled a long, steady breath as he hoisted Liam up a notchlittle higher. "They shoved electrolytes down your throat, which was grim as all hell to see.to watch. It's not as iflike it helped you hold down water; they practically killed you. But you're still alive, freaking hell, man. You're a god or something I swear."alive." Ryan heartily clapped Liam over the shoulder in a shared triumph, as Liam offered a weak smile. "Yeah, I'm a badass, but what's your place in all this?this anyway? You're not a plant, so what were you doing back there?"