C0 Filter It only amounted to one, and it would always be one and never two --and t 84 conv. C1 Is this written at an advanced level: "Ah Ryan, you're a handsome bastard for su 44 conv. C2 Here's a scene based on a promo to put my character in a graveyard in the snow: 35 conv. C3 Ryan hauled his torso through the splinters of glass, blood saturating his shirt 33 conv. C4 As Valen suctioned his saliva around the cavity of a decaying tooth , draining t 28 conv. C5 Lara felt the agony crescendo through her tightening abdomen , the deep pressure 26 conv. C6 Is this better? Maybe it amounted to nothing-after hours of rotting in the dayli 23 conv. C7 Holding her closer to his pulse, Max stood against the metallic wall of the NICU 22 conv. C8 Is this an idealised portrayal: But you said mine is too idealised ok, what if i 19 conv. C9 "Liam's hair, laden with splinters of ice and snow, stuck out from his low-slung 16 conv. C10 She was standing by the waterfront, the hospital safely in the background as she 14 conv. C11 Liam, reaching up and gripping Ryan's arm, smiled against the warm twilight rays 14 conv. C12 Ryan came into focus , and his bare feet came to a nullification of movement as 13 conv. C13 Here's the passage with the additional text broken into paragraphs: "That's it, 13 conv. C14 Please assess this as is : Victor glanced out across the field , the sizzling he 12 conv. C15 Carter crashed to his knees , the gold flecks in his red-raw eyes lighting with 11 conv. C16 Sweat crawled in slivering, unwholesome trails of vessel-breaking tears, bathing 9 conv. C17 His gaze wandered from his shaking hands and out onto horizon, trailing the star 8 conv. C18 How is this piece of writing : As he opened his eyes , his pulse was in his thro 8 conv. C19 As Ryan pushed his thighs through the rubble, honing in on the sound of human te 7 conv. C20 As Carter grasped her wrist, his fingers locating her pulse point as his binds w 7 conv. C21 :Elara's fingers grazed the warm skin below Max's wrist, as she searched for his 7 conv. C22 Are Ryan and Liam distinct : Liam, reaching up and gripping Ryan's arm firmly, s 6 conv. C23 The sub-zero teeth pierced his flesh as the flare of saline bled through his por 5 conv. C24 Filtered As Valen suctioned his saliva around the cavity of a decaying tooth , d 5 conv. C25 As Carter grasped her wrist, his fingers locating her pulse point as his binds w 5 conv. C26 Protector : Ryan came into focus , and his bare feet came to a nullification of 5 conv. C27 With flecks of gold scattered across his green eyes, he flashed a smile that cap 5 conv. C28 Could this be a published work ? It only amounted to one, and it would always--i 5 conv. C29 Holding her closer to his pulse, Max stood against the metallic wall of the NICU 5 conv. C30 Liam collapsed into the unforgiving embrace of the concrete, his ravaged body we 5 conv. C31 As he approached , her ears flattened against her head, her sable fur absent in 4 conv. C32 Maybe it was the lack of heat on his skin, after hours of drowning in the sunlig 4 conv. C33 due to Elara's pregnancy being smooth sailing and healthy, if not deeply sensual 4 conv. C34 She nodded, biting her lip as she drew a quiet strength from deep within her abd 4 conv. C35 It only amounted to one, and it would always , in his chlorophyll soaked corneas 4 conv. C36 Is this a realistic piece? Mason sighed in frustration, balling another pair of 4 conv. C37 Hey, where's your mom and dad , huh? " Ryan asked, the girl's tiny amber irises 3 conv. C38 His aching skull, enraged with the pulse of rising nausea, slumped against the s 3 conv. C39 "I didn't want to turn four! I'm sorry!" , he pled as he wiped his nostrils agai 3 conv. C40 Just then, his phone screamed to life and he unlocked it in panic "Max Hawthorne 3 conv. C41 The disquiet of the three am bustle that only a hospital could generate, other i 3 conv. C42 The roads were dead, lifeless , without a pulse as Ryan watched Liam's broken fi 3 conv. C43 Please highlight effective descriptions and dialogue: "The sight of his crumpled 3 conv. C44 Please don't finish it "That scar , I wasn't conscious when they-. " As if expec 2 conv. C45 Valen's voice filtered into the depths of Ryan's pleading body as his boots were 2 conv. C46 How about this : Lara felt the agony crescendo through her tightening abdomen , 2 conv. C47 . "The shoulders are on a bit of an angle , Lara this is a perfectly normal, but 2 conv. C48 Do the metaphors add to the narrative without clouding it?: As Valen suctioned h 2 conv. C49 Is this well written ? His eyes burnt with the heat radiating through his vision 2 conv. C50 "No, because .... You're worth that kid's trust , her missing you everyday , thi 2 conv. C51 "Well, seeing as I'm here , and you still look as terrible as you did before-hit 2 conv. C52 As Valen suctioned his saliva around the cavity of a decaying tooth , draining t 2 conv. C53 Is this narrative inspiring.. should I aim to write like this author ? Cartridge 2 conv. C54 Hi 2 conv. C55 Please assess this passage : The crimson line seared across the horizon, suffoca 2 conv. C56 As James opened his eyes, a melancholic gleam passed through them. He gazed down 2 conv. C57 Please rate the level of craftsmanship in this passage: Now compare this version 2 conv. C58 The air was biting, frost outlining her sighs of contentment as a doctor ruffled 2 conv. C59 Three months had passed, and Max had finally travelled across the country with h 2 conv. C60 "That one was intense.." , Elara breathed into the space between them, , encircl 2 conv. C61 Dialogue Nah, nobody waiting for this sorry ass . Lost my family a while back , 2 conv. C62 "You know , we could just let them gain on us, and pretend we were dropped here. 2 conv. C63 Listening as terror flooded the membranes behind his closed lids, their voices e 2 conv. C64 Are Ryan and Liam distinct? It only amounted to one, and it would always be one 2 conv. C65 Is this well worded As the road stretched bare and cold ahead of them, Liam felt × 2 conv. C66 Is this realistic and not too romantic trope : I went through quite the ordeal , 2 conv. C67 His eyes scanned the horizon in deportation, his spine wracked with shivers as h 2 conv.